I have to admit, once I realized I had enough blog posts for the semester, I stopped blogging for a bit. It was just too much. I’ve had a hard time keeping up on what I have to do; let alone what I want to do.

I’ve been working from home since Mid-March. I’m grateful to be here. I have my mom to take care of, and I’m not low risk. Beyond that, I have a houseful of cats that I do not want to share the virus with either.

I wish I could be wrong sometimes, but I called it on my March 15th post. America doesn’t know how to stop and how not to be selfish. We’ll be reaping this bitter crop for decades. We’ve just crossed 5 million confirmed COVID-19 cases worldwide (and g-d knows there’s more because testing is lagging); over 1.5 million in the US alone, and rapidly approaching 100,000 US deaths. I know the numbers aren’t accurate, but if one takes the known for what they are, it’s a 6.6% death rate in the US. Stories are emerging that are truly awful, such as what’s happening to the Navajo Nation or to the Black communities in the South…compounded by the fact that the current administration, once learning of the communities affected, accelerated their efforts to “Open the economy” again; knowing that the most vulnerable, the “least desirable” in their minds, are the most exposed.

I remember talking to my grandmother about 9/11 when it happened, and that the toll was going to be worse than Pearl Harbor. She couldn’t fathom that, at the time.

This virus, right now, is taking 2000-3000 people, every single day. Between Pearl Harbor and 9/11 – two events that stick in American’s minds as huge losses – every. single. day. Somehow, jerks still think that it’s a hoax, no worse than the flu, and that taking precautions like wearing a mask is an imposition on their freedoms.

I am so upset at the state of the United States. I grew up thinking this was the best country in the world. I taught my first generation of Scouts that same feeling. I couldn’t say that today without weeping.

We have failed our fellow citizens. Our children. As of today, we’ve failed nearly 100,000 of our neighbours to this virus. It’s just going to get worse.

I was a teenager when AIDS was a plague. I remember it vividly. I lost friends to it. I lost friends I was prevented from knowing. I lost a generation of my brothers before me. I remember the cries for help that were unheeded by the government, despite the pleas from public health officials. I am seeing a similar pattern now, but instead of blaming it on a subclass of undesirables (the gays), this virus can’t be pinned on a class or a group. The virus cares not. Like a vampire, it will feed on any available human flesh. Same as it ever was, white republican men will not care until it affects them.

The 15 year old boy I used to be has been reactivated. He’s the one who watched the AIDS crisis unfold. There is a death sentence waiting for you out there. I’m horrified that people can’t take it seriously. I’m petrified that it will visit among those I love. I dream so hard that I wake up talking to people in those dreams. I have to force myself between the dreams and reality… And it’s hard.