I started this blog two years ago. I did not do a good job of keeping it updated in 2018, particularly the latter half of the year. I was challenged by too many other things; mostly the medical issues that I had going on that have been my own private trial. Anyone who ever tries to tell you that trans folks are crazy – you have no concept of what we endure to become ourselves. The shudder that cis people can’t hide when surgical procedures of trans people come up is because at some level they understand that significant pain is likely involved, let alone their own horror at what they see as loosing their identity. It’s certainly less painful when you can get through life with a brain and a body that match. It’s horror when there is a mis-match. Each person has to find their own path – I’ve found medical transition extremely helpful, but I’ve made compromises. Even without that, there isn’t a “perfect” solution.
I had three surgeries last year, two of which were planned. I’ve been out on disability for months. I’m finally starting to feel better, coincidentally with the turning of the calendar. Most people are reflecting on the year that has been – which sure seemed to be an awful year for so many people I know – and coming up with new promises and goals for this next orbit around the sun. As winter is starting, I am feeling a bit of spring. I’m looking forward to getting my life back. I’m not just getting back to the grind I left, however, I am ready to slowly start rebuilding my life after many months of being sidelined on injured reserve. I’m not just making the changes to loose the weight that has crept in over the last few months, I’m feeling the need to continue the evaluation of my overall goals and directions and which things will have more priority than others. There will be some changes. We are all on our own journeys, which may or may not coincide with a calendar flip to a new year. You don’t have to wait until then to initiate change.